


as far away as one can go

by ObsessedWithBands



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alpha Choi Soobin, Alpha Kang Taehyun, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beta Huening Kai, Caring Kang Taehyun, Depression, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Omega Choi Beomgyu, Omega Choi Yeonjun, Sad Choi Beomgyu, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scenting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, i'm getting better at writing it so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22914184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsessedWithBands/pseuds/ObsessedWithBands
Summary: title: from "20cm" by txtin the middle of the night, beomgyu's depression hits him, grabbing onto his heart and mind and never letting go.but then taehyun comes into view...and his pieces are put together once again.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	as far away as one can go

taehyun.

_i can feel how cold it is outside just from touching the window._

my eyes flew open, and i raised my eyebrows. it was dark now--we were most likely approaching the middle of the night or very, very early in the morning. _i hope manager-nim is still feeling alright while driving._ i glanced at the door leading to the next partition of the bus, the one that opened up to the driver's seat and front exit. _surely one of his assistants are switching with him every now and then._

we were on tour, yes.

but did we expect to be driving for this long to our next venue? no.

beomgyu, soobin, yeonjun, and hyuka and i could only do so much to help. we got on the bus on time, unpacked our stuff and organized it so us and our staff members were able to walk through the bunk area to get to either end...but we can't always stand behind the driver and help him stay awake. we clearly weren't allowed to drive, either. 

so the last solution is just to stay quiet and not get on his nerves.

the others were sleeping in their bunks by now. it took a few minutes to remember why i was still sitting on this couch.

the living area of the bus was small, but it held a lot of board games to use and snacks to eat. it also had one long couch on either side, which enabled us to converse without having to shift awkwardly in our seats. this was the closest part of the bus to the driver's area, and then there were the bunks, then the tail. i stared down at the table in front of me.

"they left all the board game stuff out for _me_ to clean up?" i thought aloud, letting out a fake laugh.

the wooden, oval-shaped table was covered in white and blue 'ice blocks'--all part of the penguin trap board game. the game has been played by bts-sunbaenims during one of their run bts episodes, and that made soobin want to buy it at once. and now the game was brought wherever we went, but _duh_...we loved playing it more than cleaning it up.

still, i don't know if i'll be able to forgive them that easily. i could just picture it in my heard right now: me, sleeping with my head back and my mouth open 'cause of my sleeping habit, and them, leaving me alone to sleep comfortably in their bunk. gee, thanks guys.

i let out a yawn then, covering my mouth with the back of my hand.

all the little white and blue hexagons went into the board game's box, then the stand and the penguin went inside. it took a bit of arranging to get that frame into the box but at least it didn't damage the packaging. one of my pet peeves was an overstuffed or damaged board game box. if the stuff inside it fit so neatly when you bought it, how hard can it be to arrange the items the same way?

i looked around the room as i kept it in one of the nearby storage drawers, admiring the silence. sometimes, what with us being naturally rowdy, it was nice to be alone in a room sometimes. but then the loneliness always starts getting to me in a few minutes because of how i'm so used to the noise.

so i stood up, grabbed any clothing items that were left in the room, and pulled open the door that led to the bunks...

...and nearly knocked my forehead against soobin's.

actually--my forehead would have hit the bridge of his nose because of how freaking tall this hyung is.

"깜짝이야 [ _oh my gosh_ ]~" the easily-frightened alpha gasped, flinching in surprise. i snorted, wiggling my fingers in greeting.

"don't worry, i cleaned up everything in here," i said with a playful smile, taking his light blue hoodie from the bundle of clothes and handing it to him. soobin nodded to me in thanks, and i saw that he was blushing. ever since i met him, i'm always reminded how the alpha is so unique...instead of being aggressive, he's soft. instead of getting angry easily, he takes the time to breathe before saying something he'd regret.

"yeonjun told us we should ditch to get you back from playing that prank on us last week anyway." and his mate, yeonjun the omega, was the complete opposite. the fiery, peppy, never-back-down and never-look-back type. they were so different...but yeah, opposites attract.

_ah yes...the best prank i've ever done._

i'm the best prankster in the group. i poured water into hyuka's mystery box when we were doing that interview in hollywood. i took all their phones and changed my contact name to 'the world's most good looking maknae' just so they had a reminder. now soobin was talking about the prank where i changed all my bandmates' facetime ringtones to a snippet of namjoon-hyung's 'expensive girl'--then started a group facetime in the middle of a meeting.

a great accomplishment, if you ask me.

"well i guess we're equal now." i said, a smirk plastered on my lips. soobin shrugged, pursing his lips in a little pout.

"i personally think we could have done _more_ than just making you clean up a little board game, though," soobin continued. "we could have hacked into your personal twitter account and tweeted something embarrassing to nathan sykes--"

"--you wouldn't dare." i said, a flicker of mischief in my eyes. soobin let out a giggle, then winked before moving past me into the living area--probably getting a midnight snack or something like that. i chuckled to myself and then stepped past the doorway and into the next room.

aside from me and soobin's little banter, no one else was making a sound.

everyone's bunk curtains were pulled closed except for mine and soobin's, but i spotted hyuka's left foot sticking out from under his curtain. i gently put it back into the space of his bunk so his body temperature wouldn't be imbalanced. at least his bunk wasn't a top one, or else he might have fallen out by now. the beta made a smart choice when we picked out our bunks.

i just wish it wasn't so difficult to get onto the top ones.

my bunk, which was near the door to the end of the bus, was higher up.

in order to get into the actual bunk, i would have to step into these little grooves in the wall while holding on to the mattress of my little bed. not really a secure grip, but it'll have to do.

i walked over to the wall next to the door, grabbing the corner of my mattress and remembering how bittersweet the bedsheets were. _it was soft and comfortable for sleeping, but obviously not stable enough for a person who would have to climb._ i tucked my toes into each groove, moving up the wall as carefully as i could and then finally raising my leg high enough to place it on my bed.

with the leverage i had, i was able to swing myself into my bed, _almost_ bumping my head into something for the second time tonight. _why do these bunks have to be so freaking confined?_ the height of the rectangular space was probably just twice the length of my arm.

with a grumble, i crawled the rest of the way into my bunk and then pulled the curtain closed with a quiet _sshk_.

as soon as my back hit the mattress, i let out a sigh.

it always felt _so_ good to relieve myself of all the weight i had to carry everyday. and i wasn't just talking about physical.

i raised my arms and put them under the back of my head, staring at the ceiling of my bunk in the dark. i could turn on the light, but the light would slither out from the cracks around my curtain. i could use my phone's flashlight, but that's actually a harsher glow than the bunk light. _guess i'll just have to navigate my way with touch._

with careful movements, i reached out with my left hand and drew my fingertips across the bunk wall. as soon as i found the installed pocket where i kept my small belongings like my airpods and wallet, i put my phone into it to get ready for the night. i scooted down so my butt was past the middle of the mattress, positioning myself so my head was directly above my pillow.

i grabbed the edge of my blankets and pulled them over my legs, thanking the man upstairs that i had already showered and dressed for bed earlier in the night. there was nothing more annoying than getting comfortable but then having to get up again.

but after what seemed like a few hours...i realized i had spoken too soon.

\--

i woke up, and my senses were immediately taken over by the overwhelming feeling of... _sadness_.

sadness, and longing, and anxiety, and...

i slowly opened my eyes, staring at the dark ceiling above me. my muscles felt strained, like i needed to do something _right now_ or else nothing will ever be okay again. if i didn't act now, something would go wrong and there would be no going back.

it took a few seconds for me to realize that the feeling was being emitted from my mate.

"beomgyu," i whispered aloud, my thoughts being released before my tongue could even form the words.

this _feeling_.

i felt so confused...i've never been able to feel something like this before. i felt his emotions, and yet it was like _i_ had the exact same thoughts and the exact same sadness in my heart. still--the emotions had been produced by beomgyu, not me. it was like i was feeling emotions in another body. or, maybe... _he_ was feeling them in _me_. and as his alpha, naturally i needed to find out what was making him feel so...melancholy.

this was the type of sadness that weighed someone down. that must be why my muscles feel so worn.

_i knew from the first time i saw him that he was my mate...but i never knew me and beomgyu's connection would be so strong until now._

this was nothing i've ever heard of before. did it always feel this way?

i slid one leg over the edge of my bunk, curling up so i was half-sitting and half-laying-down. again, because of the enclosed space, i wasn't able to navigate my way around it without risking a bruise. i placed my hand over the top of my head so i would only hit my knuckles just in case--and then i slid off the bed and jumped onto the floor below. luckily, i landed softer and more quietly than i expected.

and now the feelings were stronger.

i frowned, turning my head this way and that while i tried to remember which bunk beomgyu was in. i paced through the room, and when i smelled a stronger, more bitter scent, i stopped right in my tracks. i turned to the right.

his curtain was closed.

but the harsh scent still reached my nose.

i knelt down on the carpet and then i could feel my sense of hearing grow stronger. now that i was even closer to him, i could hear his sniffles. i could hear his shaking breaths. i could hear the small sobs that i knew he always wanted to suppress. 'i have to be strong all the time,' he's said in the past. 'if i cry, then other people cry so i have to be strong.'

_beomgyu still needs to learn that it's okay to not be okay._

i reached out and hooked my fingers around the edge of the curtain, hoping with all my heart that he won't jump in shock when i slide it open. i pulled it to the left, and now i could see him.

beomgyu was facing away from me.

my first thought was: he looked so _small._

beomgyu's small frame was curled up in the fetal position, but even though his figure was so closed off, i could see him shake with every sob. his shoulders were raised, as if he wanted to curl up as much as possible and maybe even disappear into the sheets. he wasn't even taking up half the bunk space. 

_i can't let this go._

"...babe?" i whispered under my breath.

before me, beomgyu froze. the whole world was quiet--for a split second.

but then beomgyu let out a slightly louder sob than the previous. i knew from experience that it hurt more to hold in a sob than to let it go. i took a moment to glance at the ceiling, a fresh question entering my mind. _what the hell made beomgyu feel this depressed? of all the people in the world...my love doesn't deserve this._

"beomgyu," i tried again, my voice still barely above a whisper. "may i talk to you?"

at first, beomgyu didn't give me a response. he continued to cry, drawing in shaky inhales and letting out every exhale as a snivel. but i'd never leave him, even if we were in a situation of life or death. so i decided to wait. i waited for him to give me a sign, sitting against the nearby wall and clasping my hands together. i gripped my hands so tight that my knuckles were turning white, but nothing could possibly match the pain beomgyu was feeling right now.

and i didn't want to force him into talking if he didn't want to.

when i heard a small rustling noise, my head whirled around to face beomgyu again. he was moving, shifting onto his back and slinging an arm over his face. i wasn't a therapist, but...judging by my own knowledge, i knew he wanted to open up.

"baby..." i began, scooting closer so i was sitting right by his side.

"taehyunie."

his voice...his _voice._

my wolf jumped, tail wagging because of hearing that beautiful voice. we both lived for it. we would both die for it. we both felt like it's been way too long since the last time we heard it.

i saw beomgyu move his arm a little so one eye could peek at me from behind it. even in the dark, i could see it shining with his tears, constant drops flowing from it and sliding down his cheeks. in the day, beomgyu's eyes sparkled. the sun dotted his brown pupils with golden flecks, each one spreading happiness through him and the people he made eye contact with. whenever he looked at me, i felt like nothing could ever bring me down. nothing could ever bring _us_ down.

but now _my_ sun was setting.

his pupils were dark, and no amount of light was shining through them. the way beomgyu looked at me was as if all the cheerfulness has been drained from his body. then again, maybe it really had.

slowly but surely, beomgyu lifted his arm and lay it down by his side, and i fought the urge to pepper kisses all over his face. i wanted to do that, to erase all the tears from his skin, but right now i know that won't be strong enough to erase all the sadness under it.

"d-did i w-wake you up, i--i'm sorry i didn't mean to," he choked out, his voice strained to fight off the sobs that would make it break. i reached out and cupped his cheek in my hand, sweeping gently at the endless stream of tears with my thumb. beomgyu leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and nuzzling against my palm. my heart panged in response, and for a moment i thought beomgyu's breathing was slowing into a more relaxed pace. for a moment i thought the calming pheromones i was emitting were powerful enough to push through the wall he built.

but then his eyebrows furrowed, and he whimpered.

"don't apologize, beomgyu. you never have to apologize to me." i replied, placing my other hand on the corner of his mattress so i could keep my balance stable.

beomgyu didn't have to say a word to let me know he needed more of my touch.

slowly, i moved the curtain farther away so i wouldn't bump into it. i tucked my legs into beomgyu's space and arranged myself so my whole body lay next to him, sliding my right arm under his neck and easing my left arm around his waist.

now that we've been together for a quite a while, it was normal for our bodies to fit together like a puzzle. beomgyu usually nuzzled his forehead into my neck, curling up into my chest and wrapping his arms around me until no amount of air was trapped between us. but he didn't move. i frowned.

beomgyu was facing me now, our chests parallel--but his hands were covering his face.

his body was trembling a little in my arms, his eyes squeezed shut, his lips pushed apart with every cry.

the evil monster of depression, cloaked in black and blue, had our hands tied. even though we were laying right next to each other, it felt like depression was pulling us apart and preventing us from touching. like i could shout to beomgyu, but he wouldn't hear me. i could reach for him, but our fingers would never intertwine.

i never knew something could hurt this much...and i wasn't even struggling as much as beomgyu.

i let him cry for a little, tucking his head under my chin and feeling his tears drop onto my skin. i closed my eyes. _this is one of the times where i wish i would have known something sooner._

it's always disheartening when you find out something...when it's already too late.

**Author's Note:**

> idek how i got the energy to write this but...i'm glad i did. 
> 
> this work has a huge part of me in it.
> 
> on another, less depressing note--the pranks i listed here are real, except for the expensive girl one (but yeah, that's a good one too).


End file.
